恶人谷

Dear Cary,

I have a best female friend who is making me doubt everything I ever believed in. BFF and I are two single working moms in our 30s, and we look great. Better than great. We are smart, well-educated and well-employed. We attract men with money and men without money. We have great kids and nice ex-husbands. In this arena, we are highly competitive. I do something, and BFF will do the same thing. BFF buys something, and I buy something similar. BFF gets a promotion at work and I get a raise for a job well done. It's been like this for two years.

Then I got a boyfriend, so BFF got a boyfriend. And herein is the problem. It has never been a secret between us that while BFF was on the lookout for the wealthiest man around, I was on the lookout for true love. Obviously the men we desired had to be smart, handsome and rich, but while these three criteria were "must haves" for BFF, I was more interested in someone who was nice and liked being with me. Secretly I figured that BFF would soon learn her lesson that true love trumps money.

So we each found what we were looking for, sort of. My boyfriend is nice but poor, and her boyfriend is wealthy but weird. Regardless, BFF suddenly has the "holier than thou" attitude toward me as if she "won." She is the type of superficial girl for whom it matters that her house is bigger, her car is hotter, her clothes and jewelry are more expensive, and her husband has the most money. And for some reason this is starting to bother me. I, too, want a rich husband. I look at my lovable but poor boyfriend, and I start thinking, "Why am I settling for this when I can have that?"

What the hell am I thinking? I would be just as shallow as BFF if I dumped my boyfriend in the mere hope of finding someone wealthier. I know that rich does not always mean nice. But what if BFF gets a rich boyfriend who is also nice? (It's like winning the lottery. I want that too!) BFF's boyfriend could be a total asshole to her. She could be rich but miserable, and I could end up poor but happy.

This is all conjecture, of course, because neither of us is engaged, but if it were real, who wins? Is it fair that superficial people live happily ever after with loads of money? Is there a way to stop her shallowness from rubbing off on me? Do I really need a rich husband to be secure and happy and admired? Honestly, if I just didn't have a friend like BFF, then I think none of this would really bother me and I would be happy in my ignorance.

In a Race -- Stuck Between a Rock and a Bag of Money

in our 30s ... We are smart, well-educated

tiffany wrote:我不得不承认我的口味比较大妈，宁可看一家人斗志斗勇

Knowing wrote:I suggest this woman throw herself at her BFF's bf, snapshot a few pix with her cellphone, and later taunt her BFF with it. This way, she can ruin her BFF's relationship and prove the choice of money over true love is wrong. Or the very least, no longer have to hang out with this BFF who rubs shallowness all over her face.

Knowing wrote: My coworker asked:"where?"
I said:"Shelters. Have you been there? It is cheap. It is full of single moms with 2 to 5 kids. I am sure they will consider him a great catch. And he will instantly have a family."