Impenetrable darkness pressed on my chest. I struggled to draw in another breath. The air was thick and warm, almost gooey. I lay in perfect stillness. Not a glimmer of light around. I was caged in and wrapped from head to toe by an invisible blanket that paralyzed me. A dull, vague fear rose in my gut. I could not move my limbs, which felt heavy and numb. Someone stirred almost imperceptibly next to me. Although I could not see, somehow I knew it was Father sitting by my bed. This gave me a slight assurance. He said nothing and moved not. And my throat was too dry to make a sound. So I remained lying there on my back, staring at the blackness above me.
Gradually but with certainty, I realized that I was going to die in the next fifteen seconds. It took me a while to grasp the full meaning of the revelation. I was going to die, leave this life and this world, and, since I don’t believe in life after death, I was to slip into the absolute nothingness that is death.
It was only then did I panic. Yet, the panic could not rouse me to lift a finger, for the air became even thinner now. I tried to slow down my breathing, hoping to gain a few more seconds. I knew in my heart that the air would flow slower and slower, until it stopped entering my lungs in fifteen seconds. No, I had probably only ten or twelve seconds.
Suddenly a surge of sadness and fear rushed through my body. I was going to die. Just like that. It seemed rather ironic, the other half of my brain thought. I had always been saying that I feared not death, but a deathless afterlife. Yet when death had finally come, I was freaking out like anyone else, and wondering what lies beyond. There were no real doubts about the disintegration and disappearance of consciousness, even now, but my own consciousness found it nevertheless inconceivable that it would cease to exist, just like that, now.
So I lay on my back, staring at the bottomless abyss in front of my useless eyes. I never thought I would really be sad about dying and not want to let go, yet at this moment my heart was seized with a regret. I had not, I had not… What? I had not done something very important, and that thought twisted my stomach. I was going to die without a peaceful and satisfied mind.
I had no time left. I knew death was stepping closer every second. What would it feel like? What would not feeling anything feel like? It was suddenly so clear and so unimaginable. I almost choked on my own fear. To relieve the anxiety, I tried to prolong and count my breaths as they became more labored, “One, two, three, four…”, knowing that when I got to ten or so it would be all over. Well, shouldn’t that be eight or so? The weight on my chest grew heavier and I was about to fall into the eternal darkness…
Then I woke up, panting and sweating. It was but a dream.
The regret, the last wish that filled me with sadness and apprehension. What was it? I finally remembered
A Dream (a morbid piece. Consider yourself warned.)
too bad but your last sentence was my first
太可怕了，jun，你看不相信afterlife多不方便呐。 
还是东方迷信来的好，红颜薄命化厉鬼，任何狠心短命的dark lover 都逃不掉。
还是东方迷信来的好，红颜薄命化厉鬼，任何狠心短命的dark lover 都逃不掉。
MMT
Jun wrote:True, maomitou. The funny thing is that perhaps my own consciousness doesn't actually want to believe it. It probably believes that it would live on forever...
Same here, even though I don't believe there is an 'afterlife' , when I am in such dreams (serveral times), my consciousness does not die neither. It seems to have a life of its own, starts to drift, and 'I' feel so light and relieved.
And I often have same exact dreams as Jun's first dream scene: I can't move my body, can't open my eyes, can't scream, yet the sense of a someone entering the room, and approaching is so acute...
Dreams are mysterious experiences. However strange they are, I'd rather have dreams instead of just waking up with nothing though
