恶人谷

（今天偶然撞见 NPR 上一个报道，我一边听一边吐血，本来想贴到 Mr Robot 那篇帖子下面的，想想还是另开一贴，说不定看见的人还多几个。）

是我大惊小怪了么？是我落后于时代了么？是我太老了么？

http://www.npr.org/2016/01/03/461826831 ... te-offline

What Happens When You Try To Date Offline

As people spend more time on their phones, much of the dating world has moved there with them.

So what happened to meeting people in person?

Lisa Bonos tried to find out. Bonos writes and edits pieces about single life and dating for The Washington Post's Solo-ish blog. She recently took a three-month break from dating apps and tried to meet people IRL. Bonos chronicled her app fast in a recent blog post and talked about what she learned with NPR's Michel Martin.

最恐怖的部分是， Lisa Bonos 说，off-line dating 就好像过日子没有 Internet ，显然这三个月让她觉得心痒难搔，总是惦记着用 app 约会的那种上瘾感。你不觉得可怕吗？我觉得很可怕。

The very fact that somehow going off-line to date people is now considered a thing to report on ... It just freaks me out!

我也觉得很不可思议，但也知道年轻人的电话不是用来讲话而是用来APP的，短信大概也没什么人用了，除了我们这种中老年 。

我不太理解，online dating 之后还是要见面约会的吧？那之后跟offline dating 在酒吧餐馆派对遇见约会不是一样的么？总不能永远不见面不上床……
如果说mobile dating 能更快更多的出门约会，这不是坏事啊。设备男自从开始用dating app, 六个月里发生的事比过去十年都多。不遇见真命天女也可以练习练习脸皮。

期间允许短信调情吗？少了这个，就多了好多空闲猜来猜去。

If you listen to her ---

There are so many people on these apps. There are always these potential matches ... You might start a conversation with someone. Some of these apps have a time limit. [It] started to make me feel overwhelmed, like how many people can fit into my life as potentials.

Trying to live without [the dating apps] was a bit like trying to live without the Internet. Most singles that are dating and looking are on [these apps] ... [From now on,] I may take a break from these apps --- not 3 months, but maybe 2 days or 3 days. I will probably consciously not rely on them as much.

I'm not against online dating, but she sounds really, really weird.

I have a distinct feeling that the app-dating is nothing like what we know as "online dating" just a few years ago. The point is no longer meeting someone and having a potential relationship with one person and even just having sex with a person. If I have to guess, I'd say the little thrills of seeing a "match" pop up and looking at a new profile on the app in and of itself has become the addiction, which is like the little dopamine release from an email or text popping up on your smartphone, even if it is merely a spam that means less than nothing. The point is no longer people, but rather that cheap and free sensation of the new.

哈！我记得刷前同事的tindr 的时候，是满爽的，那么多美貌姑娘，还都跟“我“看对上了！其实我爽啥捏！又不是真看上我，她们看上的是我前同事.. 但是的确有那种打candy crush 爆了一大批糖果的爽快感……

顺着Jun链接报道文字里的意思，现实里只能同时进行1-2个约会，网上可以随时平行进行许多个，所以虚拟世界里感觉上更有效。其实呢，如果网上约会成功率更高，大家也不需要年复一年泡在网约APP了。莫非现在寻求存在感也是dating app的吸引力之一？Well it must be!

经过Jun一番解释，我觉得我还挺能理解的。。。跟打游戏很像啊。
其实跟一个真人谈恋爱挺辛苦的，跟网上迅速好几个match而言。

其实，我觉得这个东西很适合基本没时间的工作人口。见面之前，该说的都说了，然后见到活人就要如何便如何了