[分享]Washington Post column -- Why aren't you married?

Jun · Post by **Jun** » 2006-09-13 10:43

From syndicated columnist Carolyn Hax --

Carolyn:

I am a woman in my thirties who has never been married. I have no intention of getting married until I find the right person. I get many questions as to why I am not married, and people often answer their own question with remarks like, "There must be something wrong with you." What is that supposed to mean? Please help me give an appropriate answer so I won't look like a deer in headlights.

Deer

Those remarks mean you're talking to an idiot. Nothing more.

There are many appropriate answers here -- honest ones (looking like a deer in headlights); raw ones ("What a terrible question"); exasperated ones ("Because something's wrong with me"); hostile ones ("To help you feel superior"); overcompensating ones ("Just lucky, I guess"); confrontational ones ("Why, am I making you nervous?"); non-ones ("Oh my, look at the time!"); rhetorical ones ("Just how small is your world?"); absurd ones ("I'm allergic to buttercream"); straight ones ("I haven't found the right person"). All are appropriate, none are owed, except maybe an "Excuse me," before you walk away.

火星狗 · Post by **火星狗** » 2006-09-13 10:53

exasperated ones ("Because something's wrong with me");

也可以用非常modest的态度来回答这句话，不过最好对方是能够欣赏周星星风格的那种人。
其实所有的回答都很周星星。

tiffany · Post by **tiffany** » 2006-09-13 10:56

我的话，一般会反问：why shold i?

火星狗 · Post by **火星狗** » 2006-09-13 10:57

, 白博这种是aggressive ones

Knowing · Post by **Knowing** » 2006-09-13 11:06

有一个比looking like a deer in headlights更棒，能造福社会的：
愣愣的瞪着对方看一会，突然流下眼泪来，一边抽泣一边说：你问的好，我也天天都在责问自己，为什么没有人愿意娶我，我到底是什么地方有毛病，为什么为什么为什么....然后趁对方被吓傻的时候，扑过去一把鼻涕一把泪都抹在她肩膀上。适用对象为衣着整洁自以为生活典范的中老年中产阶级WASPY Mrs Perfect,包管吓的她们再也不敢问其他未婚大龄女性。

CAVA · Post by **CAVA** » 2006-09-13 11:08

还有一个终极问题：why don't you have kids？

我准备过的答案有：

Because I'm selfish and heartless

There are enough people in China already

I prefer cats

We move around so much it's not good for any kids

火星狗 · Post by **火星狗** » 2006-09-13 11:09

愣愣的瞪着对方看一会，突然流下眼泪来，一边抽泣一边说：你问的好，我也天天都在责问自己，为什么没有人愿意娶我，我到底是什么地方有毛病，为什么为什么为什么....然后趁对方被吓傻的时候，扑过去一把鼻涕一把泪都抹在她肩膀上。适用对象为衣着整洁自以为生活典范的中老年中产阶级WASPY Mrs Perfect,包管吓的她们再也不敢问其他未婚大龄女性。

鉴定，祥林嫂型。

tiffany · Post by **tiffany** » 2006-09-13 11:12

蛙塞，这个主意真的造福人类！

tiffany · Post by **tiffany** » 2006-09-13 11:14

CAVA wrote:还有一个终极问题：why don't you have kids？

my standard a: why should i?

Knowing · Post by **Knowing** » 2006-09-13 11:24

CAVA wrote:还有一个终极问题：why don't you have kids？

That is often my answer to the first question~ Whenever nosy female friends asks me "Who are you dating?" or "Do you have a boyfriend?" I just shrug and mumble "Noone special. hmmmm..how are you? When are you going to have kids?" That is garanteed to shut them up.

karen · Post by **karen** » 2006-09-13 11:48

我有比小白还短的回答，大眼瞪人家小眼说，"So?" 只不过还没人问过，我也没用过。
原来在哪儿还听到个：“谁稀罕啊，连Frankenstein都能娶到老婆。”

不过我觉得报纸上问这问题的女人有心结。伊其实是很想结婚的。要不然也不会被弄得这么郁闷。

Jun · Post by **Jun** » 2006-09-13 12:05

不过我觉得报纸上问这问题的女人有心结。伊其实是很想结婚的。要不然也不会被弄得这么郁闷。

I disagree. I consider this kind of questions in the same vein as:

Do you black people really enjoy the gansta rap garbage?

Why do you women all get so hysterical around that time of the month?

Do all you Asian girls prefer white men?

My answer would be: Please lose my phone number.

karen · Post by **karen** » 2006-09-13 12:11

Well, there is a fundamental difference. People asking the questions you listed are obviously not black, not women and not Asian. So let's say they are ignorant white men. But people who ask "why aren't you married" were at one time not married themselves. They can't claim ignorance. And many times it's women who ask.

洛洛 · Post by 洛洛 » 2006-09-13 12:14

我以前有个中国同事，他女儿每次见我总是问我为什么没孩子，开始我还好好回答，后来就有点烦了。
家猪很多心的认为是那人在家说我们闲话的缘故。

Knowing · Post by **Knowing** » 2006-09-13 12:16

I think it is a matter of privacy. If the Asker are a close friend that Askee shares her love life details with, the Asker doesn't really have to ask, does she? 9 out of 10 times, the Asker is just some curious semi-stranger who doesn't mean to do any harm but doesn't respect your privacy at all. We all know it is impolite to ask people's income, right? So why is it ok to ask about people's love life?

karen · Post by **karen** » 2006-09-13 12:28

You can't prevent people from doing certain things, but you can make adjustments so that they don't get to you. My attitude is that I make sure my life is the way I want to live, then what other people say, oh well, a fly you can wave away.

花差花差小将军 · Post by **花差花差小将军** » 2006-09-13 12:34

老子的回答还是标准的why bother who cares so what

Jun · Post by **Jun** » 2006-09-13 14:20

More similarly inappropriate questions from anyone who is not my direct relatives:

How much do you weigh? (Have you thought about dieting?)

How much money do you make?

Why haven't you bought a house?

Knowing · Post by **Knowing** » 2006-09-13 14:55

今天天冷了，我迫不及待的抽出新买的红绿大格花呢夹克配牛仔裙穿，同事看到了，关心的问：你色盲么？
Ok I know, he was joking. But truth is, most of the time people just don't realize they are being nosy, they hardly mean to offend people.

火星狗 · Post by **火星狗** » 2006-09-13 15:20

我正想说小K的同事真是温柔体贴呢。

作为同事，如果你倒下了，他就可能受池鱼之殃。比如你感冒了成了传染源，或者突然倒地不起他被迫开车送你回家，或者由于色盲的缘故穿着色彩搭配不当的衣服令他心情不愉快工作效率下降，所以他关心你的健康是可以理解的。

有些人只是为了填充无话可说的空档，或者想偷窥别人的私生活的愿望过于强烈以至于完全不顾及对方的心情，这些人是不可原谅但是你很无奈不能因为这些小毛病而wave away她/他的。

ruby · Post by **ruby** » 2006-09-13 15:22

花差花差小将军 wrote:老子的回答还是标准的why bother who cares so what

Only 6 words. I heard from Da4Xin1 there are 8 mighty mighty words. What are the rest 2?

森林的火焰 · Post by **森林的火焰** » 2006-09-13 17:06

Knowing wrote:有一个比looking like a deer in headlights更棒，能造福社会的：
愣愣的瞪着对方看一会，突然流下眼泪来，一边抽泣一边说：你问的好，我也天天都在责问自己，为什么没有人愿意娶我，我到底是什么地方有毛病，为什么为什么为什么....然后趁对方被吓傻的时候，扑过去一把鼻涕一把泪都抹在她肩膀上。适用对象为衣着整洁自以为生活典范的中老年中产阶级WASPY Mrs Perfect,包管吓的她们再也不敢问其他未婚大龄女性。

这个要高强演技才行啊，职业演员也不能说一把鼻涕一把泪就一把鼻涕一把泪。尤其是鼻涕这个东西，需要它的时候它偏不在。
我来一个比较江湖的Why the f**k u want to know?或者自说自话：For f**k sake, not again!讲的时候要面露凶相，包他们屁滚尿流，没有下次。
我最近江湖片看多了，大家见谅，见谅。

tiffany · Post by **tiffany** » 2006-09-14 8:45

若干年以前，在遥远的古代，我老去某同学家门口的小发廊剪头发，发廊老板一个中年妇女，见面就问：有男朋友了么？我答：没有！你给我介绍一个？她立刻觉得我很失礼，说：我又不认识你介绍什么啊？！